I am not one of those people who hated dating and are so happy that they don't HAVE to do it anymore. I LOVED dating! I loved everything about it! I even loved the horrible awkward dates that I went on because even at the time, they were so ridiculous they were funny and now they are great stories to tell. (*Disclaimer for the Hubby: I love my partner and would be very happy to never go on a date with anyone else again.)
What I have discovered about myself is that I HATE mommy dating and if I were a straight male, I would probably still be single. I now have more sympathy for the men that had the courage to hit on me in the past. It took more courage than I thought. I now occasionally feel mildly bad for the men that I rejected immediately. While I don't feel that I should have given them more time because I knew right away it wouldn't work (and wouldn't even be a good ridiculous date story for the vault), I give them props for their ability to put themselves out there.
Finding a mom friend is just like trying to pick up a girl at a bar, but much worse. Here's the basic break down:
-Walk in and scan the room
Bar pick up:
You walk in. You scan the room. See if there's anyone who catches your eye. You look for someone you're attracted to, looks interesting and who you think you could have the most fun with (either for that night or forever).
Park pick up:
You walk in. You scan the playgroup. See if there's anyone who catches your eye. You look for someone who looks the most like you, has a child around the age of yours and who you could be BFFs with!
What makes the mommy pick up more difficult:
The wild cards: Is that the mom?...or is it the Grandma, nanny, babysitter, etc. I have often been given false hope by connections I've made with "mommies" who turned out to be nannies. So in the dating scene, Nannies = Teases...and nobody likes a tease.
-The approach
Bar pick up:
Make a plan of attack. Read their body language and make eye contact. Approach by ordering a drink next to them if they're at the bar or have some opening line.
Park pick up:
Make a plan of attack. Make eye contact. (If this happens at all it may be brief...you're probably Try to get your kid to play in the same area their kid is playing. Bonus points for actually getting the kids to play together!
What makes the mommy pick up more difficult:
Making eye contact to engage another mom can be tricky. She may only briefly look at you or may keep her eyes on her kid(s) at all times.
-The Conversation
Bar pick up:
[Insert your basic opening line here]
Park pick up:
Opening lines are always about the children. How old are they? How long have they been [insert milestone here]?
What makes the mommy pick up more difficult:
It's difficult to get past those basic 2-3 questions and to actually share info about yourselves as people who hopefully have something in common. Also, kids are unpredictable. They could suddenly decide they want to be on the other side of the playgroup. Even if the conversation is going great, you may suddenly have to dash off and hope that you have another opportunity later.
-What does your wing-man think?
Bar pick up:
Your friends will have their opinions about them. Sometimes those opinions are stronger than others.
Park pick up:
Your child will have opinions about the other mommies child. This can go a few ways. If they ignore each other, you're still good. If they get along, you could be in. If they immediately don't get along, it's all over (ie: You've been cock-blocked).
What makes the mommy pick up more difficult:
Unlike with your friends, your children need to be in the same age range (preferably within a few months of each other). If your friends hate the girl you're hitting on, you can ignore them. If your child hates their child (or visa versa) , say bye-bye to your new potential mommy friend.
-Share information
Bar pick up:
Ask for their number. They either give your their number (or business card) or they tell your their not interested. (Or if they're trying not to hurt your feelings/are uncomfortable saying no...they ask for yours instead)
Park pick up:
Ask for their phone number or email address to get together for a park date/play date/etc. If you actually are able to get this far in the conversation, the answer is pretty much always "yes" to sharing info. (So one nice thing, is that there is a lower rejection rate than hitting on a girl at a bar! Yay for something positive!)
What makes the mommy pick up more difficult:
Even if someone gets up the nerve to ask to share info. This process could be interrupted by your child, their child (or possibly a random child needing assistance).
-Actually USE contact info given
Congratulations to both the guy at the bar or the mommy on the playground! If you've made it this far, you deserve a reward for all your efforts. Unfortunately, you're not in the clear yet.
Bar pick up:
Possibly text that night saying how you're looking forward to seeing them again. If they gave you a fake number, you find out early on. You contact them a few days later (Either call or text...I always preferred the call in being asked out. A text just seemed lazy). Say how nice it was to meet them the other night. You either have a concrete invite (dinner, show, party, movie, etc.) or you can ask to just "hang out" on x night and meet for a drink or something. You just pick a time to meet, and know that you could end up meeting for an hour or hanging out all night.
Park pick up:
You contact them soon via text or email. Moms don't really have time to talk on the phone, and it's easier to schedule if they can look on their calendar on their own time. Another bonus for mommies is that getting a fake number is a problem you don't have to worry about. Yay for another small thing in our favor! (I'm sure there is some mom out there that has given fake info, but I personally have never experienced it or heard of it happening to anyone...so I'm assuming that it's rare.) Come up with a concrete plan! Time/place to meet. Usually it's for a very small window of time. Probably 1-2 hours at most for the first meet up. If you don't schedule a get together within the week, it will probably never happen.
What makes the mommy pick up more difficult:
Instead of coordinating two schedules, you're coordinating 4 schedules! There are lots of variables that interfere. You pretty much only have daylight times to get together, usually you need to be back home for dinner time. Kids start to melt down towards the end of the day and don't have late night play dates, so you really only have the morning or afternoon to schedule something. If they have completely different nap times it makes things even more complicated. If one or both or you work even just part time and have opposite schedules of each other...just forget about it.
My conclusion:
Mommy dating is exhausting and it sucks. It makes me wish I could go back in time and poke holes in all my best friend's condoms.
